Where I have been

First of all, sorry for not posting anything in almost a month - I haven't felt like I really have had anything to say. I feel like have been in a place of pensiveness for the past few weeks and I am happy to say that it has been a place that I have not tried to shy away from. During this silent period I have also taken, what I believe to be, a few steps forward in my spiritual journey. One of the reasons I agreed to move back to NJ was because I felt like it was time to take some "steps of faith" in regards to connecting with a community of faith and after about 6 months I can honestly say that I have a sense that the community we have aligned ourselves with is where we feel comfortable to "flesh out" what it means to be apart of a community again. So, I have continued to have conversations with John and Beth Jackson and they have graciously allowed me to join in with their leadership team for "The Sanctuary". What this means, I have no idea. At this point, I am not leading anything or really even "doing" anything. I basically just sit there and try to provide comedy relief by being sarcastic - something that I have always been very gifted at! I am still not really interested in "leading" anything, but I do believe that I have the responsibility to be involved with the community I align myself with and I thank the people at the Sanctuary for: 1) Not pushing or rushing Erica and I to be apart solely based on our previous experience. 2) Respecting the fact that we are still learning how to guard one another (and Kayla now as well) but still be open to life in a community. 3) Not pushing us away from being involved and observing the involvement of others until we feel ready to jump in head first. It is truly because of these things that we have been comfortable enough to move forward at all. I would also like to take the opportunity to restate my opinion that just because I talk about moving forward in my spiritual journey and being involved that does not mean that I am moving towards "full-time ministry" (meaning, collecting a paycheck from a non-prof org. again). I really have no idea what I am saying right now or what I mean by the last statement, maybe that is why I have been pensive lately - because I am silently excited about the safety I feel to figure things out and the freedom to move forward as I see fit, but at the same time a little apprehensive of where that might lead. With all that I am I want to live and breath truth but at the same time I don't want to wall myself off from those desire to hear it from my life. I just wish I knew what that looked like. To quote someone that I deeply respect, the statement that has haunted me since I heard it - "In the absence of light, darkness prevails - so I am out trying to save the world...".

To all that read this, Thank you for your grace.

Neviusology 226